I ain't worth the risk.

I am not worth the risk. For so long, I have been keeping my heart under the basement of my abandoned heart refusing to let anyone close to me. I tell the guys who come too close to stay 6-feet apart from me before I might turn into a raging storm. I tell myself that I couldn’t do relationship because I cannot feel. All these years, I’ve kept my options open, but my heart closed. I never learn how to trust another human being again.

I convinced myself countless of time that just because love has failed me before doesn’t mean I can’t try again. The past year of learning meditation has taught me to be an observer of my own thought, to know that the past are a part of me but they do not necessarily have to affect me, taking away all my courage to move forward in life. I am still trying to be at ease in my own skin and accepting my own flaws and insecurities, therefore I am unsure if I’m still that raging storm destroying everything I touched.

I am not worth the risk for I might just walk out the story unconsciously. I don’t know what triggers your heart, as though I’m the light you’re seeking for. I can make someone heart full with my presence, I can even enlivened you in the best possible way but I can also be the worst wreckage you will ever experience. I am impatient and unkind who would destroy you in the best possible way, that when I turn away you will understand why storms are name after people.

I ain't worth the risk.