It’s
been a while since I see your face, we’ve both been traveling that we’re
unable to schedule for meet-up for the past 2 weekends. It just makes me
realize that I’ve actually been seeing you so much over the past months that you’ve
unknowingly invaded a part of my life. All these time I only knew he has the
ability to make me miss him when he’s sitting right next to me, little did I
know that the distant that life kept us apart suffocates me a little.
I
guess this is exactly what I need as a masochists, I needed the distant
to make my heart grow fonder of him. I needed the distant to ignite the poetic
and/or blast of stroke inside of me. I knew all these while that I have been
numb from feelings, but that’s the thing, I do not know if I am truly healed
or I’m just a raging storm temporary put on hold. All I know is that
even though feelings have been something I’ve been trying to find back all
these years, it also suffocates me.
I’ve
forgotten how it feels like to miss someone until it challenged and suffocates
me. I’ve forgotten how it feels like to have someone on my mind all the time until
I realize my fingers want to share him the little insignificant things on my
mind, at the same time I do not want to look needy. I don’t know if I am
crossing a boundary I shouldn’t take, for on the other side there lay
expectations that might open up the wounds that hasn’t heal.
I could stare out to the night sky and miss the entirety of your being. Every bit of you – the excellent, the awful, and everything else in between. I have never loved and been loved at the same time before, perhaps the cupid finally made it right this time, that’s why it suffocates and challenge me at the same time. Because love don’t make sense yet makes perfect sense in the end.