I’m
a building standing so tall, but a single word can demolish me. I spend my
days concealing myself behind a mask, dreaming of the day when he will strip of
my armor and demolish the walls around my heart.
My
unconscious mind kept whispering at the back of my mind to lower the gates to
my soul and trust that he can carry my insecurities in his strong arms, to let
him further into my soul. I kept convincing myself to yearn a place in my
heart to his, to confide my deepest insecurities and let him console me as I
bring over my emotion. I long for the courage to let him roam deep into my
darkness, yet I keep holding myself back.
“I
want to let you know, no matter is the dark side or not. You still got me to be
with you. You are not alone.”
I
held myself back because I’ve heard more flattering words in this lifetime yet
all I ever need is a single push to be lost in the moment of time. I’ve always
been afraid of losing that little bit of me that I still had in me. I’ve rebuilt
myself over the years not to rely on another human being, I’ve rebuilt myself
in a way to be my own protector so no one can shatter my heart again. But I
have been healing, I’m slowly finding comfort in your presence, to open up
my wounds and let the light heal.
I
haven’t been so close to another human being for a long time, that’s why it
might take a little time for me to unmask and trust someone fully again. I am
not doubting you; I want to be yours, but sometimes my demon tells me I’m
not worth it. Most days, I just had to calm it, but know that the amount of
time I scream at you for invading too much of my mind. I didn’t think that I
would miss anyone, but I miss you. I always knew I’m a hard person to love.
But when I love, I love hard.