I
know I’ve always wanted to leave but I thought the thought of leaving has
toned down for the past 1 year. It turns out that my health has signaled to me
more times than ever this year that this place will only continue to suffocate
me in the love that was never mine. That no matter how much effort I have poured
out, I’m just an insignificant individual, a passerby or worse, an invisible
being to the world. I guess a person who cared will only end up being empty.
I
guess in this household, no matter what I did and who I became, I would never
be enough. I spend so much of my life trying to play my role well, excelling in
business and my career, bringing up the spirit, ensuring everyone’s lives doesn’t
fall into autopilot, maybe if I’m always there, I would be appreciated a
little more? But heck, I learned this year is I will never be enough, I
will never be good enough. I will always be think as the self-centered one.
Nothing
I ever did was right, no matter how hard I tried. Even though I spend my whole
life fulfilling someone else dreams, I still didn’t matter. Even though
I was always there for the big things and the insignificant things, I still
didn’t matter. The harder I tried, the more I was taken for granted. And
when I finally stood up for myself, they asked why you got mad? I am
tired of the people, I am tired of this place, and on the darkest night, I just
want to take my passport and leave.