Putting
up the mask is a hidden lifestyle, like a demon lingering at the corner of my
mind. I usually fake a smile and push it off as it’s just nothing, where
the truth is, I keep fighting.
Recently
my insomnia has started to get bad again, I constantly have nightmares and
panic attacks that eats me up inside out. I’ve always been fighting my demons
throughout my adulthood, but I never let anyone know about it, I hide my
problems behind fake smiles and laughter. I’ve mastered the art of being okay, but
the truth is, I have been killing so many people inside my own head. This is
why I avoid social interaction as much as I possibly can, I’m like an active
volcano that might erupt anytime.
But
you are my best remedy. I realize that being with you is my best form of
healing. I find that your hugs are therapeutic for my soul. Even though you don’t
know what’s hidden behind the smile, even though you don’t know the message
that my health has been signaling, even though you don’t know how many times I
wake up in the middle of the night, being with you makes me feel safe. It’s safe
to know that you are not aware of what’s hidden underneath, it’s safe to know
that he’s not sensitive to feel the anxiousness over a conversation he raised.
I do
not intentionally want to hide myself, but it just seems so impossible to
describe and come to terms with myself. And most importantly, I don’t want others
to get tangled in the mess of my life. But it’s okay, cause all I need is your
presence to calm the demons inside of me.