I
never believed in the concept of love conquers all without putting
any effort. I may be a huge fan of Disney movies, but I knew for a long
time that love is a choice, relationship is a lot of effort. I used to
cling onto people who didn’t want to be clung to. I was the queen of chasing,
but also the queen of rejecting people. I fall for toxic people because I
thought I would not have to pour my heart into it. Of course, occasionally I
turn into a raging storm hurting people with my broken pieces.
But
the truth is, I refuse to settle for something that won’t fulfill me just
because I feel lonely, sad, or empty. I refuse to settle in just any
relationship only to make me more miserable or energy draining. Therefore, even
going on countless dates, I still chose to remain single over the years. I wouldn’t
say that I did not hurt anyone, but at least I was being true to myself.
I
have learned to choose myself. I reminded myself how far I’ve come and how
I shouldn’t lose myself in a relationship again. I’ve learned to live
with myself and how to be happy and fulfilled by just being on my own. And I
should not allow any relationship to ruin it. If no guy deserves my heart, I
should not hold on to something just because I love it much. I do not know if I’ll
one day be in the right relationship, with the right person, who says the right
thing, who does the right thing in this lifetime. But I’ll always focus on the
most important relationship. The one with myself.