I
need to leave. I desperately want to leave this place again. I thought
this concept of leaving has toned down for the past 1 year, but for the past
few weeks, I have been dreading and hating almost everything I see, and I just
wish I could forget about this hurt and start over anew in a place where no one
knows my name. The pain has been getting louder lately and it’s getting harder
and harder to ignore.
I always
knew it was going to be hard, to start everything over again, but I owe it to
myself. I want to stay away from people I know my entire life, who claim that
they love me yet criticize every single thing I do, who don’t care about people’s
feelings. I might not succeed at the first try, but nothing makes me more
like a failure than not being appreciated on what I’ve done my entire lives.
At
least I owe it to myself to get out of this place, I wouldn’t say I could find
a place that loves me but at least I could be in a place that no longer hurts
me. Right now, I still see two roads diverging ahead of me. One that I’d rather
be on. And the one that I’m stuck on out of routine. I don’t know if it’s going
to be the right decision, but I once checked with every single person that left
and no one ever regretted that decision.
So I
guess, I would rather live with an oops than a what ifs.