I don’t know how to heal. I have unknowingly bury my emotions at the back of my mind until I wanted to love, I realize I’m still bleeding all these time. But how do you heal? All I know is that somewhere down the line, some incidents have hit me hard. We were told to take care of ourselves and learn to heal, but what exactly is taking care of ourselves and learn to heal? It just feels like all these years I am just walking on shattered glass.
And the thing is, I am guilty for it. I feel guilty for breaking people with my broken pieces. I feel guilty for not knowing how to fix myself, for not being able to open my heart like I used to. I woke up one morning from a dream of having my ex sitting on my couch, yet nothing comes out from my lip. You see there has always been a graveyard in my mouth, filled with words that have died on my lips. My pain always creeps up and is deep-seated. It’s the kind of sadness that swallows me inside out. It’s having ten thousand question in my mind but none of them made it out.
I was told I couldn’t heal because I kept pretending I
wasn’t hurt, but what exactly is healing? How do you heal? How do you heal
a heart that has been numb for a long time?