In October, I pen down my feelings with the title “Your Birthday Remind Me that I Can Still Feel”, it’s a feeling that I’ve been trying to get over only to come back all to me each time. I stopped fighting those feelings for a long time and just let it consume me each time it comes flooding back. However, this year I've written another post “This is my Blessing to You #2”, after an Insta story appear on my feed, but it has been in my draft ever since. Each time I tries to publish it, my fingers will feel so reluctant to do so, it just curse me so much to give my blessing to you.
I never want to be the selfish one, for people to hang unto toxic relationships but I guess when someone says he loves me I held unto a higher, unfair standard, thinking that it’s a fairytale that he would always be there even when my anxiety kicks in. For a moment, I thought he was the one that’s going to save me. I’m not angry that he didn’t, but it just curses so badly to give my blessings to you.
I am not
asking for anything, I knew all my life that I have always been the one that
save myself. I’m just glad that no feelings were developed so I do not need to feel
broken all over again.