I
want to love. I’ve always wanted to feel again than to go numb over everything.
I want to rediscover what it’s like to feel butterflies in your stomach before
a date arrives. I want to fall in love with the same person every single day.
And just when I thought everything had been going on perfectly well, my heart
decides to take a turn, my demons kept reminding me of how I can’t trust, and how
I shouldn’t believe in everything.
I
sometimes curse myself so much for putting myself in such a fragile position. I
thought I’ve rebuilt myself not to rely on another human being, yet I let
myself fall in love. I let someone run their fingers all over my heart,
hurt me and leave me disappointed over and again. I thought love is the glue
that holds everything together, it’s the words we crave to hear, the hugs our
body yearn, but at the end of the day, it’s all just inside the head.
But
like a broken trust, when the disappointment starts to pile up over the
incidents, your heart lays yet another brick. I want to believe in us. I want
to believe in our love. I want to believe that at the end of the day, you will
be here for me. But that’s too much to ask from a person. Maybe the
truth is, love is just two broken people trying to hold onto something that’s
cracked beyond repair. Maybe like always, I had always been broken beyond repair.