After all this time, it’s still you.

I always wondered when and if I’d ever hear your name again. Days turned into months that quickly turned to years and people in my life began to forget you. Your name that used to fill a lot of conversations in my journals got replaced with other people who also came and went. The difference was their absence didn’t affect me the way yours did.

The difference was with every person that came into my life and my heart, there was no denying that you were still there taking up a bit of it too. Maybe not too physically there but emotionally you never left me. And without saying it, I couldn’t deny what my heart wanted. There was always that silent hope that you’d find your way back to me after all this time.

And in crowds, it was you I looked for both wanting and fearing that moment our eyes met. Wondering if you’d remember everything. Wondering if you still wonder if we ever cross path. Or wondering if you moved on with your life like I was supposed to. I’d see someone who looked like you and watching my heart flip for a moment or two until he turned and it was some stranger I didn’t want to be. And in everyone I crossed paths with I thought of you. I looked for the qualities they lacked that you had and I knew it wasn’t fair to compare but you set this template for what I expected of people.

My heart sank each time when a lovely picture of yours appeared. I tried to hide the pain in a smile that said it all. The truth was the only proof that you existed in my life came in the form of old letters and journals I hadn’t let go of. But more than that everything about you resided hidden in a broken heart that hadn’t given up hope. I’d be awoken in the night as you met me in my dreams for that was the closest I’d get to seeing you. I know things end. But what if an ending comes you know in your heart wasn’t supposed to?

They say things come back to you when you least expect it. I had moved on with my life all but entirely. I had new friends, new relationships but no matter where you go or what you do there’s something about the past that stays with you. And there’s something about the people you love you take with you in your heart along the way. I looked at my reflection and occasionally I’d think of you. The best parts of me had a lot to do with you. And there were moments I had wished you knew the person I became in the end. The truth was I didn’t just love you again. I don’t think I ever stopped. And every year this time, I wish I could have the opportunity to wish you a Happy Birthday! 

Unforgettable Memories
Happy Birthday, First Love | Those Wishes that Never Really Got to You | Just So You Know, I Remembered Your Birthday | Triggered Memories on your Birthday | | Your Birthday Remind Me that I Can Still Feel