I never texted you. I have erased your
name from my phone. I have deleted you from every social media account. I
cannot remember the last time we had a conversation – but that does not mean
you have been scrubbed from my memories. I still think about you sometimes. I
browse through old journals and unposted letters I wrote back then. I replay my favorite moments inside my head so I never forget them.
There are times when I am tempted to see
how you are doing, to send a quick update, but I knew where our story goes, so
I have to remind myself that just because I miss you doesn’t mean I am supposed
to reach out to you. Some people are
meant to remain in the past and you are one of them. Even though an
impulsive part of me wants to ask you if you have been thinking about me too, I
never have the courage to text you because there never was anything worthwhile
to say.
All of the conversation I have with you
inside my head and washing myself in the shower are unrealistic. I would never
actually list out the ways you have ignored me; I would never be able to speak
the words even though I kept practicing them in my head in case we run into
each other. I already gave myself a closure for this story and I’ve already
learned to live without it because I finally know that love stories never wrap
themselves up easily in the real world, it always end up with a mess.
I know my heart deserve a second chance
to feel again; but it just felt like I could never get over the fact that even
after all these years I could never just be friends with you. And I am afraid
that each time another person comes close to the heart I wouldn’t be willing to
give it another try. I don’t think this life is going to have a Happily Ever
After. I would only have a second, third or tenth chance to have my heart
broken again and again. I would have to get over you all over again.
Even though I cannot get you off my mind,
I don’t want you to know that. Just like how every year I always wanted to wish
you a simple Happy Birthday, but
never really getting the message across to you.
Unforgettable Memories
Happy Birthday, First Love | After All This Time, It’s Still You | Just So You Know, I Remembered Your Birthday | Triggered Memories on your Birthday | Your Birthday Remind Me that I Can Still Feel