I would curse so badly on myself
that we promise not to look back ever again. But never really means until
something appears on the feed or something that triggers back those memories I
should have forgotten. This isn’t the
first time it has happened and I doubt it would be the last. The thought
always pops in my head so quickly and unexpectedly. I try to avoid all the
conversations that would lead me back to darkness again.
But I intentionally had a glimpse
this time because I wanted to remind
myself on what love feels like. I want to remind myself how it feels like
to anticipate on his text messages, to make plans with him, to lose the words
with him because my mind just couldn’t think straight. The reason I look back is to tell myself to feel the way I once feel
about someone. I know the temporary excitement is going to open up the
wounds once again and I’d have to take all the effort to heal again.
In the moment, I just want to feel
the rush of adrenaline or a small thrill I once feel over someone. I want to
feel the sense of excitement that I haven’t felt in a long while. My conscious
mind knows I should not be still bleeding over the chapter but since the memory
was trigger, I am just going to wish you a simple Happy Birthday from a far
distant, just like any other year.
Unforgettable Memories
Happy Birthday, First Love | After All This Time, It’s Still You | Those Wishes that Never Really Got to You | Just So You Know, I Remembered Your Birthday | Your Birthday Remind Me that I Can Still Feel